“She’s calling our house. What ten-year-old girl needs to call a boy’s house? A slutty ten-year-old girl, that’s who. She’s got her sights on our son, and before we know it, she’s going to be giving him blow jobs on the back of the bus and forcing him to watch porn with her. This is our BABY, Carter!”
Hearts and Llamas is a FREE Valentine’s short story for the Chocolate Lovers series. You have no idea how happy this made me when I saw it! I can’t let my favorite series end.
I read this on Valentines Day, BEFORE I met, and was roomies for a whole weekend with the crazy bitch, Tara Sivec. I laughed my ass off and loved it, thinking how over the top her humor is. IT’S NOT. Tara is even funnier in real life! I think every story is based on truth, and having a llama in your living room is something I can totally see happening with this chick. Totally.
This book centers around Valentines Day obviously, and Claire is having some issues with the whore that wants her son. I get this….but as soon as they are nice to you, it all changes (until they break your kid’s heart!). All of the women are wondering what the guys will get them for Valentine’s day. Liz is smart…she gives a list, after the last gift wasn’t received too well.
“Dude, a pet llama? How in the fuck could anyone hate that? That is just full of awesome right there,” Drew tells him.
Let’s just say, what happened to a Coach Purse was sacrilege.
Jenny appears in this book as well, and she just cracks me up.
“Did you just say many pettings? Do I even want to know what you’re talking about?”
And as a person who has Lyme disease, this made me pee a little.
“You know, you could have gotten Key Lime Disease from something like that, Liz. Llamas have these little bugs called sticks that carry Key Lime. I saw it on Animal Planet,” Jenny states.
“I think Key Lime Disease is cured with whip cream,” Liz adds with a snort.
But the really good part about Tara’s writing, is it isn’t always over the top hysteria, there is always some sweet romance thrown in. And Carter couldn’t have given a better Valentine to Claire <3
Rating: 5 Stars, 0 Heat, 10 Laughter
Purchase Hearts and Llamas
- The Chocolate Lovers Series
- Seduction and Snacks is my new favorite book
- Futures and Frosting was Vagtastic!
- Partying with the gang at Seduction and Snacks
- Troubles and Treats Review
- Wicked Girls Book Weekend 2013