I am in love. Yes, I have a total girl crush on Tara Sivec. Move over Christian Grey, I’m switching teams. I am ready to move near Tara and stalk her so I can be her best friend (and maybe lick her face a little. I love her that much). Or maybe it’s the characters she wrote I want to hang with. Or are they one in the same?
Seduction and Snacks by Tara Sivec is hands down my new favorite book. I laughed so much during this book scary things were happening to my body. Seriously. I was eating chips (damn my husband for leaving those Bugles out!) and one SHOT out my nose. At the same time, my tampon dislodged itself (thank God that didn’t shoot all the way out too!) I had a little cough while reading this, so every time I laughed, I would break into a coughing fit. My family had 911 on speed dial. My husband has been looking at me like I grew two heads and mumbling “uh oh, she’s at it again” every time I picked up the book to read more. I kept having to put this book down because I didn’t want it to end, and my face, stomach and chest muscles started hurting.
So here is the plot. The book opens with Claire talking about how much she had no desire for rugrats. (I get this, I was married 7 years before I went off the pill.) Claire is a trash talking, diarrhea of the mouth, ADD riddled woman that you can’t help but relate to and fall in love with. But at 20 years old, she was desperate to give up her v-card. She met this amazing, swoony guy at a frat party.
“I’m a quirky, intelligent, dark haired chick! Me, me, me, pick me! And who the hell keeps whining and ruining my perfect moment? I will cut a bitch.”
“I want to reach in my pants, pull out my virginity, wrap it up and put a bow on it. Or maybe stick it in a gift bag from Target and give it to him like a present with a nice card that says ‘Thank you for being you! Just a little virginity to show my gratitude”
They were both totally trashed, had an amazing night talking before she lost it to him, never asking his name, and she snuck out the next morning. (Wait till you read the scene with him waking up and looking down at the evidence of her lost virginity.)
“I took eleventy-billion home pregnancy tests, after drinking a gallon of milk so I would have enough pee for all of them… [then] I Googled “milk and pregnancy tests” to make sure I didn’t just spend 37 minutes of my life staring in horror at positive pregnancy tests… because pasteurization messed with the hormones and created a false positive.
It doesn’t, just in case you were wondering.”
Fast forward 5 years later, and Claire is the mother of Gavin, the funniest kid ever (takes after his mom). She is begrudgingly helping her friend Liz sell sex toys despite the fact that she only had sex 1 1/2 times. Claire and Liz had tried every way to search for the baby-daddy, Carter, after she found she was pregnant. We see that Carter too, has been smelling every lotion he can find for 5 years because he remembered Claire’s chocolate scent, but not really her face. Coincidentally, they meet again, and so begins a romance that was funny as hell, totally hot, completely romantic and amazing to read.
Claire’s inner monologue of how to tell Carter he was her baby-daddy were hysterical:
“Hey Carter, speaking of hot–your hot beef injection had a play date with my eggs”
“Speaking of crazy, your spunk has a crazy backstroke”
“I was trying to figure out a way to tell him his love mayonnaise had mad skills and no one at this table could stop talking about vibrators”
So not only am I in love with the women in the story (Claire & Liz, and Jenny’s use of English) but the men too! Carter is amazing, even his douchebag friend Drew cracked me up with his hysterical shirts. (I love funny shirts, I buy them for my kids.) Claire’s dad is totally amazing and reminds me of Robert DeNiro in The Fokkers. Jim, Liz’s husband is awesome how he just goes with everything, and Gavin, the four year old boy, just totally stole the show.
I started out highlighting funny quotes for the blog. I would have highlighted the entire book. But not only was the book filled with funny lines, I really loved the sweet romance. The book changes POV from Claire’s to Carter’s, and we get to see how awesome Carter really is by seeing the events through his eyes. (I totally love him!)
I read all my books on my iPhone with the second to largest print setting (what? I’m old!) and I can say, I laughed at almost every page. 90% of those pages also had some form of the word “vagina” or at least “penis” on it. There were a ton of references to movies and pop culture and I totally got every one of them, including General Hospital (yes, I watched it for over 30 years), watching the Wizard of Oz with Pink Floyd playing (obviously someone knows her
pot pop culture), and some great movies from my teen years.
-Every freaking thing.
-I have to wait for more from Tara.
Rating: 10 stars. Yes, it’s my blog, so I’m allowed to do whatever I want! 4.25 for heat.
Read this book when you are in a book slump, depressed, tired of drama, need a pick me up or PMSing but be careful if it’s that time of month. I never knew hysterical laughing can make my tampon start to slip out! I am ordering those vagina balls (look to your right and down) and starting kegels immediately. Do NOT read this book if you can’t take vulgar humor and hysterical kids with dirty mouths. Also, I don’t recommend reading this book someplace where laughing out loud is extremely inappropriate (like a funeral?) because you will laugh and trying to hold in these laughs can hurt. I know. I tried.
Purchase Seduction and Snacks by Tara Sivec at
Other posts about books that may make you laugh:
- The Unidentified Redhead Made Me Happy
- Bad Day Gets Better From A Redhead
- Review: The Redhead Revealed by Alice Clayton
- The Neighbor From Hell Series by RL Mathewson