The last day of the trip is upon us. Since it was after 4 again when we finally finished ass raping Scandal, I thought for sure I could sleep a little later on a Sunday. But as soon as the hair dryers started, I was up at 8. At this point zombie doesn’t begin to describe me….3 hours Thursday plus 4 hour drive, 3.5 hours Friday and 3.5 hours Saturday, plus more alcohol then I’ve ever consumed. Still, I was having fun. Then Tara and Buffy, got up and we started playing.
First we woke up a roomie with Slick Willy and Henry the Ass Raping Gnome
Then Tara decided she wanted a Willy for her own.
She REALLY wanted Willy!
Then we were in such a daze we started facebooking eachother from the same room.
Tara posted to my REAL facebook, and my 15 year old responds…..this is why I have an alias! But we were laughing so hard from this, It must be repeated. My kid’s brain is corrupted forever! (Don’t worry, he can handle it, he is a very mature 15 year old)
Now, keep in mind, there were like 7 or 8 of us, hung over, in our PJs on the couch, and we all get the video at a slightly different time. Each one of us hits play:
So we basically had “Goats in the round”! And the facebook corruption continues….
Then Deseree and Trinity stop by to hang out and even more goofiness ensues:
When a day starts out with goats in the round and bouncing booby runningman, it can only get better. As we read through the previous evening’s tweets and laughed, we realized we had to get ready to go to Citiwalk for Tara’s tattoo and Ricki’s piercing. The place insisted you come the night before to make an appointment, so when I told Tara that I wanted to get her strawberry from her book on my ass, I was joking…kind of. But the idea did grow on me.
Hungover, exhausted, and maybe still a little wasted, I had my ass altered a bit as a weekend souvenir…unfortunately, my husband hates strawberries, and the chocolate might have been a little wrong to put on my ass, so I didn’t officially put Tara on my ass, but while Scandal facetimed my husband, my ass was forever altered. My cherry has been popped.
Tara getting an amazing tattoo from Mr. Cutie
All of us in front of the tattoo place
After Citiwalk, I had to bring Scandal to the airport. As I headed back to the hotel, Carlos, the gate guard, sees my car and stands in the drive airhumping and blowing kisses. What is funny when your car is filled with crazy girls, is a little creepy when you are alone, let me just say, the deadbolt was on that night.
Then we had to say goodbye to Buffy….without her, it just won’t be the same <sniff sniff>
Bye Buffy :’-(
Then we head over to the melting pot for dinner. First of all, this time I was nuts enough to get in Shannon’s truck–that chick is SCARY on the road. Then we meet the wonderful Kimberly who gave me a lovely gift. You have no idea the tweets that can be overheard at the melting pot. And when Jasinda Wilder and her funny husband joined us, we got a little crazy…the restaurant around us cleared out quickly.
First I had to show everyone my ass, then Kimberly marches around the restaurant, through the kitchens with goats SCREAMING out of her ass, then the tweets start flowing:
“I’ve got snot in my throat right now. Well it’s better than vagina!”
“I don’t know where my cream is”
“Spunk in a pot”
“If you’re dipping in our pot, you’re going to have to put a condom on”
“Oh melting Pot, you are going to regret letting us in”
“You almost got spooped!”
“Maybe warm cheese going down your throat will help you”
“Are you wearing Depends?”
“She just gets so excited she starts licking it”
“He fizzes when he cubs. Pop pop, fizz fizz, oh what a relief it is”
“When I swallow, I’m thinking, this shouldn’t be chunky”
“Your pussy smells like Irish Spring”
“I licked your rim”
“You can just screw it right in”
“I found a sheep doing a man”
“You just stick it in. I put my dark on top of yours. I like my meat raw”
“Two minutes for anything that walks on land”
“The fondue ate my beef”
“The second I get my dessert, you can say balls and vagina all you want”
“I need to get my chocolate before we get kicked out of here”
“I’ve never felt the spurt”
“You need to be practicing on popsicle sticks”
“I think I just came”
“Totally love it when my husband double dips”
“Double dipping totally makes me cum”
“Spunk in a pot! Spunk in a Pot! We like the girls with spunk in a pot. Better than Dick in a box”
“Dick on a stick. With nuts or without?”
“We can do it against the wall”
“You don’t need a big man, you just need the right man”
The Melting Pot closed at 10. We walked out at 12:30.
CC Wood, Me, Jasinda Wilder, Tara Sivec
Once we made it back to the room, Shannon was topless on the table or something like that, and we realized we need one last photo of the group….But while we waited, Tara decided to make her own collage of the weekend:
Tara took Willy home in her Smut Carrier…we were so hoping she would have to take it out at security.
And that’s how the weekend ended…..till June!
See the previous recaps:
- Spiderman, Dirty Chocolate and Swag: Wicked Girls Book Weekend 2013 Day 1
- Chaos, Screaming and Signing: Wicked Girls Book Weekend 2013 Day 2
- Jell-O, Sex Toys, Vagibeer and Squirting: Wicked Girls Book Weekend 2013 Party Bus and Beyond
Michelle Graves says
Ya” awesome’
Ana's Attic says
xo
lisa w says
Unforgettable amazing fun girl fun time!
Ana's Attic says
Can’t wait till next year!
Jessie L says
What happens in Orlando, stays in Orlando!
Nancy L.R says
Holy fucking shit.
Ricki says
Greatest weekend EVER!!!!
Crystal says
OMG totally wish I could have been a fly on the wall!
Amanda Crick says
Your my freaking heros!
Amber Detjens says
OMG! I laughed so much I think I might have peed just a little while reading the convo with your son!
After seeing Tara Gangam Style I want to bring the Wii and Just dance 4 (i have that dance on there) for us to play. I can see it now a room full of drunk bitches trying to play Just Dance.
Rebecca Kennedy says
Wish I could have been there, sounds like a freakin’ blast!
Lees says
So wish I was there!
joanne christenson says
It was a blast…cannot wait to see what she comes up with for June
joanne christenson says
By the way, I had to look up spiderman. I’ll never look at that beloved super hero the same way ever again Lmao
kp says
Is that all you did? Seems like a quiet weekend! lol
Bookworm Brandee says
So, I’m laughing hysterically and my hubby wants to know what it’s all about…never-you-mind, my dear, never-you-mind! BTW, what is Tara’s new tattoo??
Abbie D says
Thanks for the comment! Girl,,I am SO going to all your book events!! BUT, I however, CANNOT promise I won’t be a dick about it hahhaha that never gets old!!
Ricki says
Love you Abbie!!!
Danielle says
ABSOLUTE PISS MY PANTS FROM LAUGHING SHITFEST!!!!
Jeannie Platt says
Your son is funny as hell… You girls tore the place up… I feel left out… Your posts have had me laughing, going OMG, are you serious and I WANT TO BE THERE lol…Thanks for sharing your great time with us
Sue sunderlin says
I was there in spirit and via Rickis texting!
Ricki says
:). You’re just jealous that Jasinds fed me my dinner!!! LOL
Sue says
You wicked women are too funny!
June M. says
Crazy, smutty weekend with gnomes, alcohol, toys & Willy!
Oh, I think maybe you have scarred your poor son, lol. Actually, it sounds like he could handle himself quite well. I believe that I am way too shy to hang out with you all, and I would laugh so hard that my back would be killing me. It does sound like you all had a great time 🙂
Kay H. says
you dirty dirty girls……lol
Trinity Higinbotham says
Best recaps!
Alyssa says
Kinky fun!
Karen says
WOW….just…WOW
Cheryl says
Just catching up after a week in rehab! Had a blast! It WAS a WICKED WILD WEEKEND! Loved it!
Jessica says
What a wild weekend! I’m sure you all wrote out postcards that read, “wish you had been here.”
Cassandra Hicks says
Too freaking hilarious; wish I had been there 🙂
Tess says
SPIDERMANNING-WISH-I-COULD-HAVE-BEEN-THERE-INSANELY-WILD-AND-HILARIOUS-FUN!!
stephanie harper says
best overheard tweets ever lmao
Brandy Rypma says
Your recaps are f’in hilarious!!!
Brandy Rypma says
Kinky, goatastic, spidey fun!!
Molly F. says
Your weekend can be summed up with one word…insane!
Hootie says
HAHAHA! The boy and His fb was hilarious! No words on this fuckery