Tampons Aisle Five by Rae Matthews
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I have a Walmart Supercenter within walking distance of my house. At about a mile away, it’s the closest real store and it’s open 24 hours. I HATE that store with a passion, but of course I have to go there sometimes. I mean where else can you get a lightswitch, a bike tire, socks and groceries all in one place?
But every time I go there something happens. First of all, I always say it’s either the lights or the smell of cheap Chinese stuff, because almost every time I go I get those cramps…you know the ones, where you race to the Walmart bathroom in horror? Yup, at least ¾ of my Walmart trips end in a poop-fest. Then of course, there are 2 registers of 35 open, and 60 people at self-checkout. And even during peak hours, there is always something weird going on. (Yesterday there was a guy playing saxophone in the parking lot).
Still, even in the store-from-hell, I walk out with stuff I don’t need (though it’s not nearly as bad as Target!). Rae Matthews can totally relate, as you will see in her laugh-out-loud novella, Tampons Aisle Five.
“You couldn’t have waited eight more freaking hours? What the hell did I ever do to you?”
Ava got a surprise – yup a monthly surprise, and realized she was out of tampons. It’s the middle of the night, but she knows it can’t wait till morning, so she heads out to Walmart.
“You will not buy anything you do not need! You will keep your eyes to the floor when passing shiny things! You will not enter the clothing area! You will stay focused at all times!” I sternly tell my reflection with an I-mean-business glare.
Walmart in the middle of the day is bad enough, but in the middle of the night? It’s a whole different animal. And animal may be a good description! There is no way to walk into a Walmart after 1am and not see something crazy, I promise. Well Tampons Aisle Five by Rae Matthews is a middle-of-the-night trip to Walmart and all that ensues.
“Oh my god woman, flush the damn toilet already! I am going to explode any second.”
- So, so relatable!
- I was literally snort-laughing because I could actually imagine all that stuff happening.
- The bathroom scene has happened to me more than once.
- A little romance in with the crazy.
- It was a quick, over-the-top, silly break between heavy reads.
- I love the cover.
- Needed another pass through with editing and formatting. (Though I understand she is fixing and re-uploading)
- Some of the language got just a little over-the-top (Beaver Fever), but it did make me laugh more!
The Down & Dirty:
Rating: 4 Short-Story Stars
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