Tidy the F*ck Up: The American Art of Organizing Your Sh*t by Messie Condo
Parody/Self-Help
Iâm kind of a hoarder. You wouldnât know it from walking in my house, but look in my garage or my closets and youâll know. I love to shop and buy stupid stuff online in the middle of the night. I have closets so full I don’t even use them anymore. Iâve watched Marie Kondoâs show and her sweet nature didnât really work for me. Also, dumping all my shit in a pile is a recipe for disaster with me. Â Tidy the F*ck Up: The American Art of Organizing Your Sh*t by âMessie Condoâ is exactly what I need in my life. In fact, I wish sheâd move in with me and kick my ass all the time because Iâd probably lose weight with her no-bullshit approach as well.
Itâs like she lives in my house and knows all my quirks! Over the years when cabinets or closets get too full, I take it all, dump it in a bin, and put it in the garage. Then when the garage got full, we rented a storage unit. We paid $250 a month to literally store GARBAGE.
âIf youâre willing to store something several miles away from you, Iâm willing to bet you donât fucking need it in your life.â
My ex-husband was even worse than me. He seems so organized and neat but itâs because he hides his piles of crap in bins, never to be seen again.
âDumping everything in bins wonât help.â
Sheâs seen my garage. She knows me. Itâs creepy.
âThe only ârightâ way to organize your shit is just to start organizing your shit.â
I look around and Iâm so overwhelmed that I donât know where to start. Messie Condo gives me the swift kick in the ass I need. She calls me out on my bullshit in a language I can relate to: a LOT of âfucksâ and âshitsâ.
How many of us have a bin of old cords you âmightâ need one day? Then when you need a cord, you pop on Amazon and buy a new one? I mean who needs to plow through the bin, untangle all the cords just to see itâs broken or the wrong one? For $6 I can get one tomorrow from Amazon. The time it took me to find and go through that bin is worth more than $6!
Itâs the guilt. Being Jewish doesnât help with the guilt of wasting stuff! Well, Messie covers that too. Donating alleviates guilt, and if your stuff is so crappy itâs not good enough to donate, wellâŠ.
âAsk yourself three questions: Do I like it? Do I need it? Can I buy a new one if I need to?â
I mean really, what is making me keep that hamburger meat chopper I bought that gets stuck in the drawer all the time and never worked the way it was supposed to? A spatula does just as good of a job. What about all those nice size 12 outfits still in my closet? I havenât been a size 12 in twelve years. If I ever get that skinny again, Iâll want to celebrate with new clothes!
âSave the sentimental shit for laterâ
I have bins of schoolwork from my kids. Like 1 bin per grade! Itâs ridiculous. I have the program for every single show theyâve been in. With two musician kids, that is a LOT of shows. I will be spending a while doing that, but I will also enjoy the walk back along memory lane.
âA book collection isnât a resume itâs a love letter.â
OK, maybe the book stuff didnât really work for me. She says books arenât trophies, but since she doesnât talk about SIGNED books (which all of mine are), Iâll ignore the books part, because they kind of are trophies to me!
How often do you say “But I might need it someday”?
âHow many fucking pens do you need?â
Aw shitâŠ.now she really got me. When she said that line, I heard that horror film music in my head and saw a camera zooming into all my pen hoarding spots around my house. Sheâs hereâŠsheâs watching me.
I can go on and on, but then youâd be missing out on a hysterical journey. I want to buy the hardcover so badly but it goes against all the clutter rules!
Likes:
- It gave very practical advice on organizing while making me laugh.
- She had a no-nonsense ass-kicking approach that totally worked for me.
- She had a checklist at the end of every chapter.
- It felt like she was in my house and knew me!
Dislikes:
- I loved it all! If you donât like foul language though, this book is not for you.
The Narration:
Natalie Naudus was fabulous as our foul-mouthed guide to cleaning our shit up. I think she made it funnier than just reading it, she had great timing.
The Down & Dirty:
Rating:Â 5 Stars, 5 Narration

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