Book Review – #TripleX by Christine Zolendz and Angelisa Stone

#TripleX by Christine Zolendz and Angelisa Stone

Standalone. Chick Lit, mommy lit

#Iwantmore #Ilovedthisbook #IwishtheywouldcometoWickedBookWeekend #LMAO #IwishIhadM&Ms

#TripleX by Christine Zolendz and Angelisa Stone is now one of my new favorite books. It’s no secret that I love funny books. Many of my all-time favorites are funny. #TripleX is funnier than most, yet it also pulled the tears out in a few spots. I was laughing out loud from just the title page.

If I were funny, and an author, I could have written this book. I can’t get over how much I related to the two 40 year old overweight authors. I SOOOO want to hang out with them! This story could so easily be true, I’m surprised it isn’t. You see, Christine Zolendz and Angelisa Stone were not only the authors, they were the characters. So the book was basically a fake adventure that these two real authors take, almost Thelma and Louise style.

This book is dedicated to all the women who:

**have looked in the mirror and gasped at who they saw.

**have looked at their husband and dreamed of punching him in the face.

**have looked at their kids and wondered how cute, little innocent creatures could viciously suck the life right out of them.

** have devoured a bag of Skittles on the same day they started a diet.

**have imagined beating their skinny friend with a Pepperoni & Cheese loaf when she asked if her “butt looked big” in her size four yoga pants.

There is more in the dedication, but are you getting it? It’s dedicated to REAL women, and it’s about REAL women. Even more fun, it’s about authors, and it’s set in “our world”, as the two embark on a summer road trip to attend a Vegas book signing….and end up in jail. The story unfolds as they tell the female judge just how they ended up there, and they begin the story 3 months before.

Christine’s story commences as she finds her husband of 20 years screwing a young skinny bitch with a bedazzled vajayjay. Angelisa is disillusioned with her marriage, and thinks her husband is just sticking around out of obligation. So after sending the kids off to camp or away with their dad, these two Facebook BFFs decide to meet in person and embark on a summer road trip together.

Both of the girls are overweight, and kind of obsessed with eating junk, spending all their time sitting in front of a computer instead of exercising, then making self depreciating comments about their weight. Now if you were to describe me to someone–that’s exactly me. So I sooo related these women. Christine even used plenty of lines I do myself.

“Didn’t she realize all I had to do is sit on her and she’d break?”

I also point to my kids and say “You did this to me!” (But only when they say something about my weight.)

There were some really soul searching moments in this book, and a few moments, that despite how funny it was, I cried because I understood too much.

“I wanted him to take the boys to soccer, mow the lawn, and fix the air conditioner. I wanted him to clean out my car and fill the gas tank. But that was it. Lately, that’s what it had become–a partnership, a working marriage, a business agreement…we weren’t even really friends anymore. We hardly even spoke or spent time together.”

“The anxiety. The self-loathing. Being so overwhelmed by life you have no control over anything anymore.
And the only thing that makes you feel good
For just a moment
Is chocolate.”

“I’m fat. I’m a total freaking fat -ass and what do I do about it? I hide. I hide away from the truth, hoping if I don’t recognize it, then nobody else will too.”

The girl’s adventure took them to All-You-Can-Eat buffets, Hot Yoga (so funny!), Frat parties, pole dancing, sex clubs and more. I was so able to relate to meeting your internet book friends and having crazy adventures together. The scenes with some of our favorite authors like Colleen Hoover (and her pig) and Jasinda and Jack Wilder was just icing on the cupcakes.

While reading this book, I kept taking screen shots and sending it to my Fuck Book Friends, the girls I chat non-stop to on Facebook. I never do that, but I just loved it so much, I knew they would too!

#TripleX really made me look inward, and try to love myself a little more. It made me want more in my life than feeling sorry for myself and made me want to do something about it. Following their journey to love themselves, I went on one myself.

Likes:

• I laughed my ass off (after the first time I peed a little, I got a pad and wore it the rest of the time).
• The most relatable characters EVER.
• That it takes place in the book world with lots of familiar author and blogger cameos.
• The messages of self acceptance and self love are so subtle, especially because they start with such self loathing (which I totally relate to).
• The alternating points of view.
• Matt and the glass of water. …sigh….
• Cupcakes, Unicorns and Twinkies.
• Laughter abounds, but there were a number of parts that really made me examine my own life, and a number of parts that made me cry.
• A fun romp with a best friend. I totally want to be their best friend. Yes, I started stalking them a bit.

Dislikes:

• It was harder to keep track of the differing POVs because they are both women who are so similar. I often didn’t know who was speaking, but it didn’t matter.
• I wanted a little of the romance. Jake…sigh.

Rating: 5+++ Stars, 2 Heat

The Down and Dirty

Purchase #TripleX

 

Amazon Kindle | Amazon Paperback |  BN.com

 

 

I whipped up a few questions I had for Christine and Angelisa, and we did a Google Doc together, which was SO.FREAKING.COOL. You actually watch them typing the answers live (good to know authors make a ton of typos they correct too!), and I felt like I was watching a funny movie! By far the most fun interview I’ve done.

How did you guys meet in the first place?

Angelisa: I was an incredible writer and Christine just had to start messaging me about how great I was.  I love compliments, so I latched on like a bitch in heat. So, to throw her a bone, I decided to read her Mad World Series, and began a fangirl obsession of my own.

Christine: Hahaha. I have no clue who this crazy ass person is. I wrote a book and she tagged her name on it.

Angelisa:  Yeah, that could’ve happened too!

Christine: I’m cracking up writing this because you so crossed my name off so many times.

Ana: I’m cracking up reading it! This is like watching TV!

Christine: Melissa McCarthy plays me! Angelisa doesn’t believe ANYONE could play her better than her, so she plays herself. Or with herself.

Ana: OMG!!! I was telling my mom about the book last night and we said the same thing! Melissa has to be in it!

Angelisa:  I am PLAYING MYSELF! I am an actress too–despite the fact that I’ve never acted in anything. Not even a high school play.

Christine: Actress. Drama Queen. Yep.

Have you ever met in person?

No. Not yet.

Do you have upcoming plans to meet?

Angelisa:  YES!  Can’t freaking wait.

Christine: We are meeting in six weeks in Myrtle Beach at a signing.

Ana: I still say you should fly here next week for Wicked Book Weekend.

Angelisa:  We would love to, but we have these things, vagina nuggets, that can’t survive with us gone for two weekends.  Our husbands would freak!

Christine: I don’t want to talk about my vagina nuggets. Did you see her editing my shit?

Angelisa: Someone HAS to!

Christine: So true!

Angelisa:  You can take the English teacher out of the classroom….

Christine: I was a fourth grade teacher so that’s how I write. Like an eight year old. An eight year who write about sex. Hahaha.

I know some of this is covered in the paperback, but can you tell us how much is True/False?

Angelisa:  Christine’s husband is wonderful–not a scum-sucking cheater.  She actually LIKES him.

Christine: And if I ever caught him cheating I would kill him. Dead. Nobody would find all the rotten pieces. Angelisa would help me. But I would definitely go to Vegas after.

Ana: Maybe I shouldn’t print that part?

Christine: Oh no. It’s good. I made him sign a contract when we got married.

Angelisa:  She really probably did!  She’s a bit psychotic at times. That’s why I love her!

Christine: Aw. Love you too. Kiss. Kiss.

What is the first thing you will both do when you meet in person?

Christine: Scream. Hug. Definitely eat. Probably pat her down for hidden M&Ms. She wrote in the book she always had snacks in her purse. I’d go right for them.

Angelisa:  Eat

Angelisa:  I never ever have snacks! EVER.  I eat them.  I store nothing; I devour all.

Christine: Whenever we talk on the phone she’s at the drive thru getting some snack. I get so jealous. Where she lives there’s drive thrus for everything. We got nothing her. Here you have to get your lazy ass out of the car.

Ana: What have you eaten today? I had brownies and a mallomar.

Christine: This crazy woman challenged me, yesterday, to lose 20 pounds in six weeks. I haven’t eaten anything. I’m already dying of starvation.

Angelisa:  Person who loses the LEAST has to buy dinner on Friday night!   I’ve had one Body By Vi protein shake. I ate enough yesterday to last me the six weeks.

Christine: I’ll lose and buy you a pack of M&Ms for dinner. And we’ll just drink.

Ana: Good for you guys! I have been “preparing” to diet for 6 months. That means eating everything I can before I starve.

Angelisa:  I “prepare” to diet every Sunday! Correct my typing again, and I’m breaking your fingers!

Ana: You know I have another blog called Starting on Monday? I never actually do, but I prepare every Sunday!

Do you really hate Kelli Maine?

Angelisa:  Of course not!  That’s a libel suit just waiting to happen.  Kelli and I are great friends.  I asked her before I wrote her part.  She liked it and laughed.  We were in each other’s weddings; I’m her son’s godmother.  We’re cool.

Ana: Well it made me look up both books!

Christine: I hate that she hit me.

Angelisa:  Chris would never let someone hit her without retaliation! She’s a New Yorker!

Christine: I love Kelli’s books. She’s a great writer. I’m glad she let us put that part in the book, because I think readers need to see how authors are human and we’re all mostly friends with each other and can tease each other without any harm being done.

Angelisa:  Look at you getting all sweet and philosphical.  Proud.

Ana: Keep going, I’m going to heat up my egg McMuffin. This is fun.

Christine: Son of a bitch. Now, I want McDonalds.

Can you tell me how you did this together when you weren’t together? How did you keep the story consistent? Did you write it all together? Pass it back and forth?

Angelisa:  At first, we tried the Google Doc idea and we couldn’t get crap done.  We were writing over top of each other and laughing our asses off.  Then, we decided that we would pass it back and forth.  HOWEVER, if I had the document, then she couldn’t write on her copy, because then it would get all messed up.  Some copies were getting edited and others weren’t.  You should see how many copies of the Prologue we have.  It took us awhile to figure out how to actually do it.

Christine: After we figured it out, then we started having a ton of fun with each other. We’d leave the chapter off in some crazy spot and challenge the next person to pick up where we left off. Every night Angelisa would call me up and read it back to me and all we did was laugh our asses off.

Angelisa:  Yeah, she left me with the bartender saying “Vagina.”  I was like “what the Hell am I supposed to do with that?” And Chris always forgot the judge.  She didn’t like the judge or want the judge part, but I fought to keep it.  YAY. I WON!

Christine: I trusted in her writing abilities to come up with the best stuff and she did.

Angelisa: Crap!  I was bashing her, and she just got all sweet.  Always trying to one-up me!

Christine: I didn’t not like the judge. I just didn’t want the flow of the story to stop when she spoke, but I think it worked in the end.

Who had the idea?

Christine: In the print we have a lot of extras that show the readers how it all began.

Angelisa: I couldn’t figure out what you were trying to say there!  The answer is in the print book.  It’s pretty funny!

Are you both really overweight? Because it felt so freaking relatable. 

Angelisa:  SO OVERWEIGHT (I am.)  Actually, I found out last year that there are levels of overweight.  Level 1 is overweight.  Level 2 is obese.  Level 3 is morbidly obese.  They added a fourth level:  SUPER obese.  I am super obese.  I told my students that last year, and they were like “how can super obese be worse than morbidly obese?”  My answer is simple:  I think I have super powers that defy nature.  I should be dead, so I’m SUPER OBESE.  I’m going to get shirts made!

Ana: The superman tune came into my head.

Christine: I’m overweight, definitely. I wasn’t always, though. I was always curvy, but a perfect weight until I had kids. Then I had a hysterectomy, that part of the story was true, and I gained eighty pounds in the four months after my surgery. That was two years ago and I can’t shake the weight.

Angelisa: I’ve always been the chubby, fat friend.  Always.

Ana: I am Christine then. I wasn’t fat till kids. I was a little chunky, but not till my 20s.

Christine: It was a shock to my system when I gained all my weight. I don’t have any full length mirrors in the house anymore because I couldn’t handle it.

Angelisa:  In my mid-20s, I lost a bunch of weight, around 60 to 70 pounds.  I was HOT.  Then…..food….food…SUPER OBESE! I’m still hot though! I have great hair, beautiful eyes, and a killer smile.  TRULY.

Ana: I love that you said that! I love my hair too.

Do you have chubby wife/skinny husband syndrome?

Christine: Nope. My husband is a big guy. He’s 6’2” and built like a brick shit house with a beer gut. Hahaha. I’m 5’ 1”

Angelisa:  Nope.  My husband’s a big guy, but I don’t think people would look at him and say, “Damn, what a fatty.”  I look at him and think he’s as hot as hell.  I am so freaking attracted to him.

Ana: Awww! How long are you together? My ringtone on my husband’s phone is Brick house. Asshole. He thinks it’s a compliment.

Christine: I think a long as you’re confident in yourself and in your relationship you should be proud of how you look and feel in your skin.

Did either of you ever really lose the weight?

Angelisa:  Our goal was to lose a ton of weight from the time we started writing the book until we published it.  I think we both lost some–but nothing to really broadcast.  I did really well that first month.  Eh, and then, not so well.

Christine: I did lose 10 pounds.

Ana: The first month is always the easiest. Then the cookies learn how to call your name.

What is your favorite junk food?

Angelisa:  Without a doubt, ICE-FREAKING-CREAM.

Christine: Yes. Ice-cream. And Snickers. Oh, and pie. And those yummy carmel coffees from Dunkin’ Donuts.

Describe each other in 3 words.

Angelisa:  Christine is:  smart, tenacious, and loyal

Christine: Angelisa is: Hmmmm. Um. Well…hahaha

Brilliant, talented, and loyal.

What is your favorite thing about each other?

Angelisa:  Chris is an optimist.  She doesn’t give up and pushes me to be better and do better.

Christine: Angelisa is a great listener. She’s turned into one of my best friends writing this book with me. I feel like I could tell her anything and she’d have my back, or be straight up honest with me and kick my ass over something.

Angelisa: *tears*

What is the one thing that makes you want to kill each other?

Angelisa: She always wants to give me money!  And…she needs a comma lesson.

Christine: She always tries to pay for shit. And…she didn’t want SEX in the book.

Angelisa:  That’s true!  NO SEX!

Christine: I begged her to let me put in a little steamy scene.

Ana: OMG, was there sex? I don’t even remember! I never felt like it needed it. And I LIKE sex.

Angelisa:  NO SEX!

What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done to lose weight?

Christine: I’ve tried every diet out there. I even bought those hypnosis CDs, but I listened to them while driving through the McDonalds drive thru.

Angelisa:  I auditioned TWICE for the BIGGEST LOSER.  I should’ve gotten on.  I would have been a perfect contestant.  I’m cute, funny, competitive, and I have a sappy, sad back-story since both of my parents are dead. The world would have LOVED me.

Ana: Ugh, they really do scary shit on that show.

Christine: I’d love to go away for a few months and eat healthy and exercise without my life in the way. But I wouldn’t do a Biggest Loser show. I’d do a roadtrip to Vegas. With my best friend. 🙂

Angelisa:  Dude, do you know how much FOOD is in Vegas?  If we want to lose weight, then we need to spend two months in Colorado.  I don’t think they have food in that state.

Ana: Are you crazy? In Colorado you’ll have the munchies all the time.

Angelisa:  True, but you have to munch on bark or sprouts!

Ana: I’d probably live on pot brownies.

Angelisa:  Damn, I may have just gotten a little excited!

Christine: Road trip to Colorado!

Angelisa:  I’m pretty positive I could NOT drive in the mountains.

Ana: I can. I think you need a blogger on your next adventure.

Angelisa:  YES!  You could document the whole thing!

Christine: How do you feel about getting arrested?

Ana Totally worth it.

Christine: She’s in. Let’s do it!

Ana: I bet I’d lose weight in jail.

Do you think you guys may write a sequel?

Christine: …Maybe…

Angelisa:  Hmmm…stay tuned…

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